By Tracy White, Relationship Coach
Keeping the spark alive can be a challenge in marriage, especially if you have been married for a while. In addition to marriage, you both are likely crazy busy, possibly with school, work, the children, church or community responsibilities and everything else that life throws at you. Sometimes you end up throwing your marriage in the backseat! It feels like that in my marriage sometimes when my husband is hardly home and life is busy. So today I just wanted to share 5 ways to keep the fire burning, even when you have a billion things going on.
Schedule Date Night/Hour
Time alone is a must you have kids. Even if you can’t do a full-on date or whole night away from the kids, squeeze in an hour. In our home, we have have prioritized this time by scheduling it in before the week has started. This way it’s a priority and we don’t let it be the last thing on our mind to do. So, sit down with your significant other, grab a calendar and pencil-in your date nights now! Otherwise, other things will easily fill up your week without even realizing it.
Think about making your date nights simple. If they’re overly complicated and neither of you will want to plan it out. For us, we love to spend an hour walking around the block, or we just grab and ice-cream to talk about our week. This simplicity makes it easy to fit in the calendar and in the budget, and because of that, we’re likely to stick to the plan and make our “date-hour” happen.
My husband and I have made it a goal to do this 4 times a year. We go away for one night, on our own and love that we will not be woken up in the morning by our toddler. Four times a year works for us but it may not for you. Decide what is feasible for you and your family. Make sure you add these into your yearly calendar also.
If you haven’t noticed, I love planning and scheduling and if you do it for your finances or at work, why not for your love life? By making a plan, you are committing to time together with your spouse and this is essential for marriage. Plus the bonus part about knowing you have overnight getaways is you have something to look forward to. Consider splitting up the planning and each of you can take turns deciding where you want to go and what you want to do. Plus you can also find some really good deals ahead of time and find reliable babysitters for the little ones.
Yes, we all get tired at the end of the day and being intimate may be the last thing on your mind. However, intimacy is important, so make an effort to squeeze it in anytime during the day even if its only a little quickie. This relieves stress and help you bond for a few minutes together if nothing else. If your relationship is lacking in this area I would advise you to schedule it in. I know of a couple who, in the first year of their marriage knew that sexual intimacy was vital for their marriage. So, they made a goal to have sex every single day for an entire year!!!! That may not work for everyone, and scheduling may not seem romantic, but it can be a huge help to creating ongoing habits.
It really does make a difference when you make the effort to connect with your spouse on this level, even when you are tired. Communicate with your spouse about what would work for both of you. Daily may be too often, but consider trying it for a week and see how it goes. From there you’re likely to rekindle your connection. Also, be open with your spouse talk about what you like and or want less of, so that it is a enjoyable experience for the both of you.
Send Extra Love During the Day
A little bit of love goes a long way. An extra thank you note in his lunchbox, a quick email or even a phone can do immense things for each other during the day. Just letting your significant other know you love them can make all the difference in a horrible, hard day. My husband and I try to call, text, or email each other throughout the day to touch base and let the other know that we are thinking of them.
Or, think about doing something thoughtful such as surprise him with his favorite dessert on a day he isn’t expecting it. Or do something that he has been meaning to do for so long, like clean up the garage, or do something that makes him feel loved. If you don’t know his love language yet then take the test so you both know what each other both needs to feel loved!
Kiss and Hug Often
Just kissing more can change how you feel toward each other. Find any opportunity to randomly kiss or hug him. Even a simple touch can help the other spouse feel loved and supported. A favorite thing for our family to do is to do family kisses which are similar to family hug! Being touched creates a more physical connection between the two of you.
Physical touch has been proven to release hormones that increase happiness. Just making the effort to hold hands or to put your hand on his leg while driving can help you feel connected. I was not one who enjoyed lots of physical affection it was always last on my love languages list. However, when I’m sad no matter how much I fight it, a hug helps comfort me and brings my walls down to be able to confide openly with my spouse.
So there you have it- 5 ways to connect with your significant other and make your relationship a priority.
What are ways you and your spouse have tried to increase the romance in your marriage? Would love to hear your thoughts.
Hello, I’m Tracy White, a confidence and relationship coach, and blogger at ourhappytalk.com. I am a wife and a mother to a 18month old with another on the way. I am passionate about helping ladies gain confidence in themselves and their relationships to achieve all round success. I would love to connect with you!If you have more questions on increasing romance or improving your marriage relationship I would love to hear from you. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or book a discovery call today!